Hey Honey, Take a Walk on The Wild Side

The sunny afternoon has rolled in, and I have abandoned this world for one entirely based in my head. I have the perfect perch here. I am going traveling soon, far away into foreign lands that will probably seem all too familiar. Step, step, step and I will dance away. I wonder what the effect will be when I move away from it all? I wonder if I will care! I wonder so many things I feel my head will burst, lets hope so, then I can have a fun time putting all the pieces back together like some elaborate Humpty Dumpty. I will do what no kings horsemen could.

So I took a plunge and sealed my fate
ran so fast from that closing gate
far down the path i run for the road
far far away from that heavy load

I love stupid little rhymes.

And little pegs.

Life gets kind of foggy sometimes. Stumbling around like you are half asleep trying to find the light switch. Not quite sure which direction to take, but eventually you just think 'fuck it' and go, or sit down and crawl up because you find the option of endless possibilities overwhelming.

My festival attitude is, its not a festival unless you've shared a joint with a stranger who either seemed to offer significant conversation points, or just clearly needed a smoke. Or for so reason at all. That is turning into my theory with life. obviously to me its bigger than a joint and a stranger. But its me sharing something with someone, in a moment that made it perfect. I want to seize more moments like that, I have watched so many slip by in the past because I was scared I would wet myself in fear because the big wide world was in fact, big and wide. Oh but now, now I am sick of settling for okay, when I know I can have brilliant. I am sick of saying no, when I no yes would be just as fun. And, what do I really have to loose?

So for all or none, or none at all. Or all at once.

And the coloured girls say... dododo do do do do dooooooooo

scatter

Abort Abort! Run for the hills! Duck your heads my soldiers in arms and scatter. We must hide to succeed in this victory. We will wait till dusk falls, hiding amongst the trees with our weary heads tipping to the edge of our muddy rifles. Then, then we will attack, when even the night is sleeping. We will crawl upon then like ants on honey and suffocate their constant terror.

And I wake up. Alive! I breathe again.

So late nights, late nights, another late night with the company of dear friends.

So we snuck down, trawling across the leafy floor as each footstep echoed through the forest a fate our enemy is yet to see. The tint lights glowed amongst the trees, and we spring. Each tent, each door, each step and each heartbeat flattened. Minutes that take lives seem to wander past us and I am left with the sound of my heaving chest and a few silent groans from the last breaths muttered into mud.

AWAKE!

Wide awake. Who is this and where am I?

closer

Ah the brilliance and bittersweet desert that retrospect is to any situation.

I have spent so much of my time concerned with your well being, with your happiness and with YOU that I have forgotten so so much about myself. I leave this situation with my head held high, it never dropped because of you.. You dizzied me with the circles you spun and the webs you wove around me. Danced tip toed over my sleeping eyes as you crept in late at nights. Huffed and sighed and watched me rise each morning to go to work. I spent my days, in many ways, all wrapped up in you.

So here is me unraveling. Here is the moment the clock stops on our adventure. Or at least the adventure we once had. It isn't fun when the person you love enough to know that loving them will never be enough, just doesn't seem to be worth all that energy anymore.. And I am sure sick of this heartache.

Disconnect.

Ah another night, another late night. Another time filled night. Due to recent unemployment the genuine greatness of having so much time is completely dampened by not wanting to use the funds to make a truly outrageous holiday out of it. Then again, I am holidaying soon and would probably find it a shame to burn before I can shine in splendor and privacy of another country.

Tea possibly? Or perhaps another drink? Perhaps sleep, the siren call of my blankets does sound rather alluring after a sun filled day on the ocean. I wish to write great things sometimes, instead I write simple things in the hope that there is nothing great to be found but the simplicity in having taken your mind off something.

I think that after reading over what I just wrote, another drink then sleep, But definitely, disconnect.

Blank Blank Blank. White paper.

Strange Occurances

My stomach still sinks you know, not that I want it too. I still feel ill.

I don't ever go out of my way, keep my head down, thumbs up and keep walking.

What a deluge. I don't really understand you at all. Sometimes I like to think I do, or maybe I track you in some cat like way, knowing your habits, discovering similar behavior, but there is no real set standard. I am utterly confused.

There is always balance, the laws of physics destine it. For every action, there is an opposite and equal reaction. Isn't that law number 2? It's about the only thing I gained from yr 9 Science with that odd substitute teacher. So what must some things be so out of order, maybe that is science's way of explaining kharma. Although we chuck emotional things into the mix to make it more 'spiritual'.

Clearly, no thought is put into this. It is just a stupid train of thought. A thread amongst the sweater. But you, you really do make me sick to my stomach, So sick, that I wish I could tear out my own organs sometimes to avoid feeling them melt and sink into oblivion. Lets hope out of sight out of mind, if so, please blind me.

A Streetcar Named Desire

the word lust exists for you.

It was night, late at night.

And so and so and so, Another day, another moment, another glimpse, another heartbeat.

Another.

Not to get sentimental as it appeared I would, I am all surface dwelling tonight. I don't have much to ponder over, or I actually have so much to ponder over that I refuse to perform such an arduous task and prefer to wander casually on Channel 7 for late night Comedy...it is Wednesday isnt it??

Who knows? I don't! I know that for sure. I am also sure that someone very smart said the key to knowing everything is realizing you know nothing at all. True true. Very smart man, probably drove himself insane with all those brains.

I wonder if I am one of those people that either:

a) trips, and falls, stacks it and revels in the moment

b) trips and falls and pretends nothing happened by doing a sweet ninja roll

c) trips, cries, and sobs all the way home

I think I am most likely a) I often revel in my own mistakes, I find that once you truely realise what I dick you are, only then can you come to terms with any sort of constructive way to fix it, or to not be quite such a dick again. I am still a work in progress however and in no way perfect.

AHHHH Tea delivered to me, now that is what you want in a housemate/s. It should be a rental requirement.

Occupant A: Non smoker, no pets, has strange nightly rituals BUT delivers tea to housemates when they are parched on cold nights.

DING DING DING!!! WINNER!

A person straight to my rental application.

First sip, good tea.

Babysitters Club

I am now a proud member of the Babysitters Club. After 3 years of dutifully being an Aunty, I have finally been entrusted with the golden child. Sebastiano. We have been hanging out now for...almost 2 hours. It has involved a walk, some attempts at play, my trying to read him Hunter S Thompson, then fearing it was inappropriate, watched while he tore the next treasured page I was up to.

Now he sleeps. Snore snore snore. It is 9:40am, only around 7 more hours to go. Wish me luck. Babysitting unfortunately is something you must do well from the get go, or fear never doing it again. ALSO, you can't really stuff up when a child is involved, it is collateral that I fear is just not worth it.

The beast stirs...cries...and I dash of to action.